Finding the words to say has been damn near impossible, but talking about this has been the most empowering, difficult conversation I've ever started. The support I've both received and been able to give others has been overwhelming. Navigating loss and experiencing deep grief, all while trying to pick up the pieces is a journey.
Yesterday, what should have been our due date, I finally built up the courage to store away all of the baby things filling our basement. Though it took 5 months, I finally found the perfect moment for me; I knew I needed to get to the other side of this loss, but I've been struggling to allow myself to grieve without even really knowing it.
Grief has a subtle way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. When you feel all of your dreams coming true and they're quickly snatched away from you, it's damn near impossible to accept, especially when a little life is involved. Navigating this entire process has forever changed me.
Though we didn't expect it to go this way, this is the harsh reality set out for us. Though i may have different beliefs than others, I can feel it in every ounce of my being, that our time is coming and he'll send the most perfect babe to complete our little family. The reminders of Ashton all around me help more than I thought they would. We plan on planting a beautiful Ash tree, watching it grow sounds peaceful.
Here's to the next chapter of our story, I'll never stop talking about my baby, or my experience. The little bits and pieces I've been able to share mean a lot to me, they help me cope and I'm so grateful they've helped others feel less alone in this horrible journey. No one deserves this and no one should bear the pain alone in silence. If you're going through infertility & or loss, I see you, I feel your pain and I'm sending you every ounce of my love.
To my sweet baby Ashton, I carried your body for 4.5 months & your soul for a little less, but I will carry you in my heart, everywhere, forever. 
Comments
Post a Comment