Goodbye 2024.

Typically, when you have a rough year, you're glad it's over and never want to look back - but for me, it's bittersweet.

This year tested me both physically and mentally. Tremendous loss truly changes a person, especially when your dreams are shattered within minutes.

The reality is, I have grown in ways I know I never would have if I didn’t go through everything I was faced with this year. I hate saying “I” because truthfully, this entire year was a “we.”

We lost, we grieved, and we grew. Some relationships can’t stand the test, but ours grew stronger and for that, I am forever grateful.

The first two months of the year were spent excited and busy preparing for the later months. I am forever changed being able to experience pregnancy, the joy of becoming a mom, the excitement of what is yet to come.

February was crushing, gut wrenching, draining physically and mentally. Induction and labour hit differently when you know the outcome, but not everyone gets that experience. Not everyone gets to hold their baby. Not everyone gets to take their baby home. Though not the way it should have been, we are fortunate to have had the ability to do both.

The next couple of months were quiet. We were little foodies riding a rollercoaster of emotions, you really do go through them all. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit some days, I was angry, some I felt numb and other days I was completely broken but at least my belly was full, and I felt love and comfort from a partner who needed me too.

We were surrounded by so much love; calls, texts, and visits, to an overwhelming number of physical gifts that brought us comfort. You all know who you are, and we can’t thank you enough.

We started our summer with a weeklong camping trip away from civilization; exactly what we needed.

The rest of 2024 was filled with countless evenings watching Steph fall asleep, peaceful trips to camp both alone and as a family, numerous girls’ nights that literally kept me sane singing our hearts out, eating WAY too much, laughing, and crying. Thank you to my girls, you know your love and support has been a huge steppingstone for me this year and I love you all so SO much.

As 2024 ends, I can reflect on a life changing year that I am glad has come to close but also am thankful for in so many ways, because the truth is, the Kayla you knew a year ago isn’t the Kayla you know today.

Figuring out how to allow myself to feel ALL of the emotions and let the tears flow when they needed to was difficult for me.

Allowing someone else who is grieving the same, but differently to support me when they needed it too was extremely hard for me.

Connecting with nature (I know it sounds silly to some), was peaceful, and I know it’s something I need more of in 2025.

Opening up is something I've always had a hard time doing but this year, being open has completely changed my ability to face challenges and feel less alone, all while being able to support others who felt alone and silenced too.

Finding a soft spot for a lot of people, places, and things around me came naturally throughout the year. I’ve always had a big heart, but it’s almost as though a switch turned on and I started to see life from a completely different perspective. We don’t know when it’s our last day, we don’t know everyone’s story (there are plenty of horrible people out there, but that’s beside the point). Be Kind – Always. It’s helped me really learn to love myself, even in my most natural state.

I’m leaving 2024 with a heavy heart, but a greater love for myself, my partner, and those around me.

2025, we’re ready for you.